Comfort.

Lately I have been noticing that my body image, is way off the radar.
Maybe its that ive been going to the gym so much lately, maybe its that ive been following tumblr thinspo like crazy I dont know. But theres a huge difference.
    One big difference? I used to think Beyonce and Rihanna, had fabulous bodies. I mean absolutely amazing fabulous bodies. Now, when I look at them all I can think is FAT.
Literally fat. I always used to wonder why everyone said they were so brave, cause they didn't give in to the stick thin image. I wondered what the hell are they brave for?! They're so hot! Well now I understand why they have to be brave to do what they do, and to stay at there healthy weights. I honestly do not know why my body image has changed so. I don't know how I feel about it. Up until recently Kim Kardashian was perfect to me!

But now when I see the gorgeous Kim K all I can think is "Wow she can really use to lose 30 pounds cant she??" And thats awful! Obviously these women are way more fit that I am. Im not dissing them just to diss, I just want you to see how morphed my image of beauty has become. Now I will show you what I think is the perfect body.

 I think theres a pretty obvious difference in my choice in beautiful. Now I am happy that I definitely don't want to look anorexic, I still don't think beautiful is bones, but is this the first step? I think these woman have perfect bodies, will I one day, someday soon, think bones is beauty? Well gosh I hope not. Although, I recently went five days without eating. I would like to say I did it for research for you guys, but I did it cause I gained 2 more pounds and went absolutely mad.My husband made me start eating again but then I gained 2 pounds instantly and he now has no leg to stand on.
Yesterday we had a talk, where I made him promise to leave me if I got to 225 plbs (20 plbs above where I was, now 17) and he promised. I have to stop. Im living in a world where Im comfortable, where I know my son and husband will love me no matter what size I am, and they will. But maybe Ive had too much comfort. Maybe a fire under my ass will finally make me run.