I've been gone again, I suck.

Anywhoo, so between my last post and now I decided to be vegan. I bet your expecting some ironic way of me saying I suck at it right? Well I didn't. For the time I was doing it. For me the problem was getting so close to Jaydens birthday and the holidays (my husband has 2 months off for the holidays) we are scrimping and saving like mad. There are weeks where with our savings put aside we barely have food money so we live off of ramen and pork (pork being cheaper than meat substitutes). So I am doing ok with vegan, when I keep up with it. I dont find myself craving meat, and its ok! The last time I went vegan shopping I spent around 350 because I looked up meals online, and tried to plan by meal. While the food did last me 3 weeks, I didn't keep to the meal plans like I should have. So today im gonna go shopping again, full vega, and jut play by tummy.
Protein; greek yogurts, beans, lentils, soybeans, and Boca! (tofu and tempeh make me sick and I have yet to try seitan but I heard its good?)
Calcium: Soy milk, coconut milk, collard greens, turnip greens, kale, calcium fortified O.J.
Carbs: bagels, potatoes, brown rice, fruit.
Fiber: Pretty much everything in the list above is good for fiber:)
Ill post a list of all that I ended up getting and what the price ended up being.

The Pit Smoothie

1 Blender

1 Apple

1 Plum

1 Peach

6-7 Rainier Cherries

Large handful of spinach

Large handful of kale

1 cup of ice

"Pit" all of the fruits, I like to slice them starting at the top and going fully around, and then pulling both sides apart. Keeping all the skin on the fruit toss them into the blender, followed by the cup of ice, and layer the vegetables on top (it may be very crowded in the blender by now, if so blend what you can fit in there, and throw the rest in once theres more room). This recipes makes around 3 and a half servings so adjust if you need to, I just really don't like not using all the fruit!

     Here are some health benefits of green smoothies from Greensmoothiesblog.com

1. Green smoothies are very nutritious. The ratio in them is optimal for human consumption; about 60% ripe organic fruit mixed with about 40% organic greens.

2. Green smoothies are easy to digest. When blended well, most of the cells in the greens and fruits are ruptured, making the valuable nutrients easy for the body to assimilate. Green smoothies literally start to get absorbed in your mouth.

3. Green smoothies, as opposed to juices, are a complete food because they still have fiber. Consuming fiber is important for our elimination system.

4. Green smoothies belong to the most palatable dishes for all humans of all ages. With a ratio of fruits to veggies as 60:40 the fruit taste dominates the flavor, yet at the same time the greens balance out the sweetness of the fruit, adding a nice zest to it. People who eat a standard American diet enjoy the taste of green smoothies. They are usually quite surprised that something so green could taste so nice.

5. A molecule of chlorophyll closely resembles a molecule of human blood. According to teachings of Dr. Ann Wigmore, "consuming chlorophyll is like receiving a healthy blood transfusion". Many people do not consume enough greens, even those who stay on a raw food diet. By drinking two or three cups of green smoothies daily you will consume enough greens for the day to nourish your body, and all of the beneficial nutrients will be well assimilated.

6. Green smoothies are easy to make, and quick to clean up after. In contrast, juicing greens is time consuming, messy, and expensive. Many people abandon drinking green juices on a regular basis for those reasons. To prepare a pitcher of green smoothie takes less than 5 minutes, including cleaning.

7. Green smoothies have proven to be loved by children of all ages, including babies of six or more months old. Of course you have to be careful and slowly increase the amount of smoothies to avoid food allergies.

8. When consuming your greens in the form of green smoothies, you are greatly reducing the consumption of oils and salt in your diet.

9. Regular consumption of green smoothies forms a good habit of eating greens. After a few weeks of drinking green smoothies, most people start to crave and enjoy eating more greens. Eating enough greens is often a problem with many people, especially children.

10. While fresh is always best, green smoothies will keep in cool temperatures for up to three days, which can be handy at work and while traveling.

I am an awful person.

Its been a while since I have posted anything. I hate myself for it! Lately though, and this is exciting people, I HAVE HAD A LIFE!! Maybe 3 posts back, I posted about forcing myself to be more open with people, and just being nice and forming bonds, and I have a life now! I have 3 parties this month, go out with at least 3 different people a week (not all night-time, I am a mother people) and people invite ME to go places! I feel so much happier, im quite a bit more active, and since there are people now that will drop in for no reason I now have made keeping my house constantly clean a priority, which means im on my feet a lot more! Down side to having a life? No time for the gym! I have found that I dont adjust easily, so when a bigger change occurs in my life, ill go through a vegging phase after the initial shock is dealt with, and I dont know why i'm that way! Its not very convenient though:( Has anyone else noticed those types of patterns in themselves?

    Well i've decided something that DOES have to do with fitness and diet, Im going to be a vegan! For 6 out of seven days a week. Now I know some people are going to be offended by me only being a vegan for dietary reasons "Vegan is a lifestyle for people against the murder of animals and boycotting animal by-products" let me say this to you, as long as there is one more family that is drinking only soymilk, what does it matter why? Thats exactly the presumptuous way of thinking that stops other people from wanting to try to be vegan. I have already heard from 4 people "Yewww why would you want to be vegan those people are so stuck up!" Your making these stereotypes vegans, not me.

    Any-whoo, I have decided to be vegan. I went a whole week, and I have already discovered that I cannot stand tempeh or soy. This is gonna be a rough road. I have only tried silken soy, and I only used it as scrambled eggs and maybe thats why I hated it, so im going to try a few more things, because obvious I need some kind of protein in my diet. I havent yet been creative as I have hoped with vegan meals, like I said I am slow to adjust, and all the cooking, or even just throwing foods together to make something delicious, is lost to me for some reason, but I will learn. I am determined to get this right!

     This is all i've got for you yet, but please let me know if there is anything you want me to spend days researching to write about, or any help at all!

 

I forgot to mention!

I got a bikini wax. First one ever and a full brazilian. It took me weeks of researching about the technic and looking for the best spa and the best waxer, I was extremely nervous. This being my first time I knew barely anything about the procedure so I was reading horror stories about woman who had to get on all fours and spread 'em wide and oh dear lord the thought makes me nauseous.
I was determined though. My husband came home that day, and I wanted to surprise him. But I am a big girl. I was terrified that I would get someone unprofessional who made a face at the sight of my thighs or the layer of chunk that hangs towards my groan. TERRIFIED.
  So I went to yelp for help with finding the best and I did and she was very professional, and if it weren't for the little bit of pain, it would have been almost enjoyable. (and I didnt have to get on my knees once!) Anyway I wrote this to let you know you don't have to suffer with shaving because your ashamed. Take to the review websites in your town, or walk around town and seek out places then go home and search reviews, but find someone who has a  TON of good recommendations. Chances are they have had quite a few big ladies and aren't shy about a bit of flab here and there.
DONT try to save time just looking at a couple of reviews!!! Honestly my first thought was, this woman is gonna be as intimate with my hoo-ha as my husband is, this has to be a lifelong relationship.

Comfort.

Lately I have been noticing that my body image, is way off the radar.
Maybe its that ive been going to the gym so much lately, maybe its that ive been following tumblr thinspo like crazy I dont know. But theres a huge difference.
    One big difference? I used to think Beyonce and Rihanna, had fabulous bodies. I mean absolutely amazing fabulous bodies. Now, when I look at them all I can think is FAT.
Literally fat. I always used to wonder why everyone said they were so brave, cause they didn't give in to the stick thin image. I wondered what the hell are they brave for?! They're so hot! Well now I understand why they have to be brave to do what they do, and to stay at there healthy weights. I honestly do not know why my body image has changed so. I don't know how I feel about it. Up until recently Kim Kardashian was perfect to me!

But now when I see the gorgeous Kim K all I can think is "Wow she can really use to lose 30 pounds cant she??" And thats awful! Obviously these women are way more fit that I am. Im not dissing them just to diss, I just want you to see how morphed my image of beauty has become. Now I will show you what I think is the perfect body.

 I think theres a pretty obvious difference in my choice in beautiful. Now I am happy that I definitely don't want to look anorexic, I still don't think beautiful is bones, but is this the first step? I think these woman have perfect bodies, will I one day, someday soon, think bones is beauty? Well gosh I hope not. Although, I recently went five days without eating. I would like to say I did it for research for you guys, but I did it cause I gained 2 more pounds and went absolutely mad.My husband made me start eating again but then I gained 2 pounds instantly and he now has no leg to stand on.
Yesterday we had a talk, where I made him promise to leave me if I got to 225 plbs (20 plbs above where I was, now 17) and he promised. I have to stop. Im living in a world where Im comfortable, where I know my son and husband will love me no matter what size I am, and they will. But maybe Ive had too much comfort. Maybe a fire under my ass will finally make me run.

Im sorry!

I havent done that research on energy boosters. But I cant tell you something. I have absolutely serious trust issues. I have only ever had one best friend but I pushed her away and ruined our friendship beyond repair. Recently I completely opened up to someone who I hope to be my new friend, and told her just about my biggest secret in the world, and I feel so much better. My all over mood has improved, its been a bit easier to stick to my diet, hell I dance a little:) Point is, maybe theres something weighing you down. Maybe the key to just a little pip in your step, is telling a secret, finding someone you trust, or just making a new friend. Im telling you, since I opened up to that person, Ive been a social butterfly!

I can make excuses, and tell you that its been terribly difficult for me to do the energy research because my new history class actually challenges me (dangit!!), but you wouldnt care. I will do it! I promise!!! Till then, its a little easier for me to do little updates on tumblr, rather then write up a whole blog post, so go there and check me out!
http://fatgirlrecovering.tumblr.com/
To anyone who cares, I will be opening a twitter account, so I cant tell you more detailed things, say about what im eating, when im eating, when im at the gym, and whats pushing me through my day! I hope you choose to follow me!

Update on my increased water!

I've began noticing some differences these past couple of days that I can only account to the major increase in water.

For one, I do have a bit of a pep in my step and although I cant call it a full blown change in energy, its is nice. Im not whistling while I work but I do find myself shaking my booty when i'm loading the dishwasher. Just a little change.

My skin is glowing. We all have good days and bad days and before the water increase  I was having a few awful bad day. Im starting to notice much less bad days, Almost as if my eyes look bigger and my skin looks more even and toned. IM NOT SAYING WATER WILL MAKE YOUR EYES BIGGER AND SKIN DEWY! My skin isn't bad in the 1st place, and I've always had big brown eyes.

Great news is the peeing every drink I take has stopped. My bladder has adjusted and I dont need to go every 5 seconds thank God!

I feel like crap.

I do. I feel crappy. I feel fat and lazy and just plain unhappy.
The other day I took a 5 hour energy shot cause I didn't sleep the night before and I needed energy to get me up to take my son to school and get through my workout, and minutes after I took it I found myself smiling for no reason, thinking brighter thoughts, and once I got to the gym I was charming the pants off of people with my great attitude, and biked 5 miles walked 4. It was then that I realized, I NEVER have energy. Thats why I am down all the time. I am really tired of it. So im gonna do something about it.
Now I already sleep pretty well. For the most part I fall asleep at around 10 and wake up weekdays at 5 and weekends at 8. I get good sleep.
My diet leaves to be desired. For a while I was doing nutrisystem, and I did actually feel a difference in energy when I was eating right, but I didn't stick with it for long. So I don't eat very well but I never have junk food in my house. I just don't eat necessarily healthy.
For the past couple of days I have been drinking a lot of water. When I say a lot I mean just above 200 oz. a day. My body is not used to this so so far the only real difference I've noticed is I pee a whole heap more. Pretty much seconds after drinking water. Im hoping that will end.
I lead a pretty sedentary life. I thought that would be important.
I am resolving to change.
So tonight I am going to do a ridiculous amount of research on how to up the energy, and within the weekend ill relate my findings to you:)
Wish me luck! XOXO

The Ideal Diet

Ahhhh Victoria's Secret models. The epitome o' hot. They make our world sizzle and trick us into believing we can look as good as they can in the frilly cloth bits they manage to sell us. It takes true hotness to cause optical elusions people. Trust that these models will cause drool. As much as we, correction I, hate them for their beauty, we forget that with quite a bit of hard work and determination, anyone can have a lean toned body.

What we can not allow ourselves to think though, is that these models rely on good genes to keep there million dollar bodies. Though they are lucky to have legs as long as my entire body, and amazing bone structure,and miracle metabolisms, its not all genes. One extreme hottie who has said that members of her family are "heavily overweight" is the gorgeous Jessica Alba! She had to fight her fat genes to get to the hotness within! Point is I don't want anyone going into this with a bad attitude because they think there bad genes are a notch in the wrong direction before they even begin. Ultimately you control your body. To an extent, you can control how you look.

What I want to touch on before I forget is, there is no way to be truly healthy, and to lose good weight, if you are going to try to cut out a food group. Yes, you need carbs as much as you need protein and you need fat as much you need water. There are limits though. And that is where we are going now:)

  So it may seem strange to some fad-diet aficionados to hear that we need carbs. Carbs are essential and very good for you, you just need to know how to manipulate carbs. The job of carbs is to regulate the amount of sugar circulating in your system and distribute said sugar where it needs to be so that you have sufficient energy. Carbs got its bad name when people began confusing simple and complex carbs. Simple carbs require little digestion and are good for a quick energy source. These carbs while chock full of sugar, offer little nutrients.
Complex carbs are found in grains,vegetables, and legumes. Being starches, these slow burning fires take longer to digest and provide energy in a more even manner because they are burned in a constant and time released manner.
Proteins are pretty self-explanatory. One thing I would like to stress though is how much better for you organic, grass fed,wild grown, meats are. Not only are organic farms known to be more humane but the animals are fed better, meaning they don't have nearly the same amount of diseases from the rotten crap thats fed to the masses of non-organic cows. You can imagine the effect that that would have on the nutrients these animals can offer you. In proteins though, obviously you cannot eat bacon with every meal. Not all protein is the same. For instance if you wanted a thick cut of roast, OR some delicious tempeh, I would highly suggest  that you bite the bullet and put that delicious,tender meat down. Pork is not all fat, but roast is. If you want pork, eat loins. Fowl like turkey and chicken are always a good choice AS LONG AS YOU DONT TRY TO FRY THEM. Boiling things in oil, not good for losing weight. Just not.
You need dairy & fat free is the way to go. Yogurts are great, but the yoplait type is not the best. Stay plain and european. Its the healthy stuff, dont kid yourself into thinking you did something good if you ate sugared up gloop that passes for under 100 calories. Cottage cheese you can add to anything as its an amazing source of protein, besides that there arent too many cheeses that are great for you. Goat cheese, ricotta (hah!),and perhaps feta, would be your best choices.
Lastly, your body needs fats. Not those delicious fats that you find in ranch or oozing off of extra cheesy pizzas, good fats that you find in avocados or pecans. Fat is needed not only as an energy source but for many fat soluble vitamins that need fat to absorb in our bodies. We need fats. The body works in a system and a system only operates correctly when all components are in the equation and up to par.

    Now that we have the components down, we add what ties them all together.
Every interview on diet with a Vickys Secret model that I have read states clearly that these gorgeous ladies believe in 4-6 small meals a day. What this does is keeps your energy high by constantly supplying healthy foods in a timely manner all day, stave off any hunger craving you could have(unless its junk food cravings, only junk food gets rid of those ladies and gents and we are above that) and set your metabolism at a pace that would have a rat on a wheel out of breath. Now what I am going to try to do is fit  small amount of every food group into my meals. And I mean a minuscule about. So for breakfast I would have a spinach omelette (1 egg), dry whole wheat/whole grain toast, a quarter cup plain yogurt with 5 pecans and a half banana, and 1 oz. boiled chicken breast. A huge breakfast, but an extremely healthy one.

     There are no miracle cures. There is no pill you can take that will allow you to sit on your ass and shed pounds. If you want real results, and that feeling that you worked hard to have the body you want, follow the diet. Set it up your own way and be proud that you gave yourself limitations. If your anything like me, you have no self control. You like instant gratification. Hell I enjoy mopping a dirty floor so I can see that instant difference. So you will benefit from the intense joy at finding your self motivation as much as I will.

Pro-ana

Pro-ana websites scare me.
Like they scare the living crap out of me.
Just reading these things put me in a darker place.
If you are not familiar with pro-ana it is quite simply;


Pro-ana refers to the promotion of the eating disorder anorexia nervosa. It is often referred to simply as "ana" and is sometimes affectionately personified by anorexics as a girl named Ana. 
 Thats what scares me. Affectionetly personified?? It is a DISEASE. There is nothing affectionate about it! What pisses me off about this is these are lazy girls!! They do not have the disease! In actuality ladies, only 5-15% of americans have anorexia nervosa. And you think you fit that? Fat-headed much? They just want to lose weight doing nothing! How dare you want sympathy for being lazy? For wanting something for nothing? When there are girls all over the world working there asses off manually? I see pictures of supermodels on these pages, but do they ever stop to think of what a supermodel does to get that body? And to mantain it? Its hard work! Its restriciton everday but not calorie restriction! Restriction from the stupid foods that these girls binge on! Eat liters and liters of! 
On the pro-ana websites I have found things like tips on how to make yourself vomit, read a girls dark thought on how to get thin,and how she is not thin enough, and the whole thing to me is like reading a dead girls diary. NO-one should go there, its creepy. There are some people that say that pro-ana sites are for recovering anorexics, to have support, and come together so as to not feel completely alone. But when I see sites giving tips on where to vomit, and to listen to techno music rather than hard rock because the base makes it harder to hear you wretch, I must disagree.
Yesterday, on the dark blog in question, I saw a man comment, and give these girls a reality check.
Stating that very few of the girls on that site have anorexia nervosa and they need to stop being drama queens cause if they suffer from any disease its a swollen head. BRAVO.
Normally I wouldn't say bravo but if you had seen the comments they had said back it would've made it a bravo to you too.
Things like "You just don't understand" "trust a man to rule out a woman's feelings" the whole blah blah blah. Hes right. There are people who are actually sick. Who really do suffer from anorexia rather than try to starve themselves so that mommy and daddy will pay for nip&tuck, or because they are misunderstood.
Not all these Pro-ana sites are awful, but as long as there is a site, there will be people coming to these sites thinking they are anorexic and putting a big red drama-queen stamp on the poor girls who actually do suffer the disease. I know what i will here, "who r you to say who actually has anorexia?" Well I can tell you this right now, an actual anorexic, would not affectionately coin there disease "Ana".

I Wasnt Always a Fat Girl...

PLEASE KNOW THIS NOW
I will NEVER lie to you. I may change some places names and might tweak situations the tiniest bit, so my identity is kept secret, and so I CAN be completely honest. Trust that everything that im saying is true, and we an really go on this journey together.

There was a time when My underwear where comfortable. Because I didnt buy all of my underwear based on a size I wanted to be, rather than a size than I am. Like I do now.
There was a time when my underwear where size 4-6. I liked it that way. Now I was never truly skinny. I have always had curves. But to get you to understand the place I was then, you need to know where I am now.
For the sake of this blog you can call me Ricotta. So I am Riccota Tiramisu. I am 5'2 and  weigh 217 plbs.
I am writing this blog, because I am in recovery. I am overweight. And I need help.
I cant take pictures for facebook anymore because recently my face has started to gain weight, and I find it impossible to look pretty anymore. I watch sex and the city longingly because they have so much fun shopping, when I run into stores and grab something I can squeeze on the hurry up and get out.
I have finally gotten to the point where stores LITERALLY do not carry a size that fits me anymore.
And I am perpetually unhappy.
Again, I wasn't always this way.
From 6-11th grade I was a constant size 9. Guys always noticed me, I had energy and I was happy. It was when I left school and started messing up that I quickly gained 40 plbs, since in my size 9 I was 150-160 plbs (my weight has always fluctuated like that, even now.) and I jumped to 190 plbs. I would say it took about 3 months for me to gain those 40 plbs. I hit a serious depression. I was working a lot. Came home at 1 am and ate and went to sleep. Life was hard. Finally me and my then boyfriend now husband, moved to Iowa, and I got to calm down. Discover a part of me that was separate from work. Discover myself again. Then we moved back to California. Hectic hectic California. And I gained 25 plbs in the year that Ive been home. Im not sure why. But I have. And thats why we are here.

I have thought about writing this blog before, because I could use help as much as I could dish it, but I was afraid. Then today I was searching for good thinspiration pictures and came across things like this.
I think its supremely awful that there are blogs that overweight youth and adults alike, go to to see things like this.
Its enough that we are in a self conscious state of mind, we don't need images like this telling us to starve ourselves for beauty. No-one should EVER look to this picture for inspiration.
Now I am no skinny girl basher. I don't hate thin people and I don't bash them because I want to be like them. There are many thin people who I look up to, or admire. There is a way to be thin that is very healthy and is beautiful. But this is not it. I cringe at the thought of 14 year old girls wanting to be like this picture.

I am writing this blog to offer my knowledge of food and workouts, and to offer sanctuary. To those who are overweight, or even those who aren't, and just want to know they are ok. This is me, my journey, and my thoughts on what beauty is. And how to achieve it.