I Wasnt Always a Fat Girl...

PLEASE KNOW THIS NOW
I will NEVER lie to you. I may change some places names and might tweak situations the tiniest bit, so my identity is kept secret, and so I CAN be completely honest. Trust that everything that im saying is true, and we an really go on this journey together.

There was a time when My underwear where comfortable. Because I didnt buy all of my underwear based on a size I wanted to be, rather than a size than I am. Like I do now.
There was a time when my underwear where size 4-6. I liked it that way. Now I was never truly skinny. I have always had curves. But to get you to understand the place I was then, you need to know where I am now.
For the sake of this blog you can call me Ricotta. So I am Riccota Tiramisu. I am 5'2 and  weigh 217 plbs.
I am writing this blog, because I am in recovery. I am overweight. And I need help.
I cant take pictures for facebook anymore because recently my face has started to gain weight, and I find it impossible to look pretty anymore. I watch sex and the city longingly because they have so much fun shopping, when I run into stores and grab something I can squeeze on the hurry up and get out.
I have finally gotten to the point where stores LITERALLY do not carry a size that fits me anymore.
And I am perpetually unhappy.
Again, I wasn't always this way.
From 6-11th grade I was a constant size 9. Guys always noticed me, I had energy and I was happy. It was when I left school and started messing up that I quickly gained 40 plbs, since in my size 9 I was 150-160 plbs (my weight has always fluctuated like that, even now.) and I jumped to 190 plbs. I would say it took about 3 months for me to gain those 40 plbs. I hit a serious depression. I was working a lot. Came home at 1 am and ate and went to sleep. Life was hard. Finally me and my then boyfriend now husband, moved to Iowa, and I got to calm down. Discover a part of me that was separate from work. Discover myself again. Then we moved back to California. Hectic hectic California. And I gained 25 plbs in the year that Ive been home. Im not sure why. But I have. And thats why we are here.

I have thought about writing this blog before, because I could use help as much as I could dish it, but I was afraid. Then today I was searching for good thinspiration pictures and came across things like this.
I think its supremely awful that there are blogs that overweight youth and adults alike, go to to see things like this.
Its enough that we are in a self conscious state of mind, we don't need images like this telling us to starve ourselves for beauty. No-one should EVER look to this picture for inspiration.
Now I am no skinny girl basher. I don't hate thin people and I don't bash them because I want to be like them. There are many thin people who I look up to, or admire. There is a way to be thin that is very healthy and is beautiful. But this is not it. I cringe at the thought of 14 year old girls wanting to be like this picture.

I am writing this blog to offer my knowledge of food and workouts, and to offer sanctuary. To those who are overweight, or even those who aren't, and just want to know they are ok. This is me, my journey, and my thoughts on what beauty is. And how to achieve it.